"Tired" Tiki Wakes Up Giants

So, you know, up until now I had stayed out of the prediction business, and obviously the result of Sunday’s Giants game demonstrates why I am writing this blog and not sipping champagne in a hot tub in Vegas right now. A scaled down game plan took the ball out of Eli’s hands, and called for repeated 50-yard Tiki Barber runs to make up the entire offense. This obviously was a brilliant game plan from newly minted coordinator Kevin Gilbride, since Tiki was gliding through the Skins defense like a furious little waterbug. By extension, its also evident that Tom Coughlin made a brilliant decision to sack previous coordinator John Hufnagel, for whom the blame obviously lies for the Giants ineptitude against New Orleans.

Could this circular logic somehow extend to a playoff victory over Philly? To answer this question I once again turn to the abstract areas of karma and psyche coming into the big game. The Eagles were not supposed to be there without the leader and face of their franchise, Donovan McNabb. Now that their hopes are lashed to the resurrected arm of Jeff Garcia, you’d think they would need some type of positive emotional contribution from the flightless head Eagle McNabb. Yet the loudest talking McNabb at the moment is his Mama, who suddenly isn’t just telling him to eat his Campbell’s soup and annoying his teammates. In Mama McNabb’s blog contribution to her dear son’s website entitled “Bittersweet” she lets the Iggles fans know her true feelings:

"We want our team to win and even go to the Superbowl (sic)…but oh oh if they win the Superbowl (sic) without my son what would be the real outcome with the fans? Will they crucify him? Maybe then the trade talks would begin. Off season madness, worse than last season’s fiasco….Well, lets wait and see, bittersweet."

Oh oh indeed! How you gonna let your Mom talk smack to the rest of the team and to the fans like that! How could Mama McNabb, who diligently spoons out big bowls of canned soup to her extended Eagle family, not have a big bowl of love for Garcia, who should be her number two son right now, and the rest of the gang? Perhaps this heaping portion of Chunky Beef is all she can offer despite a fan base which paid for her house one can at a time.

Without a spiritual compass the Eagles will drift off course. Grind It Out Sports predicts a similar high scoring affair with more of "Tired" Tiki’s magical Disney swan song somewhere over the rainbow sunset. Also look for former GIOS goat Mathias Kiwanucka to get his giant paw in Garcia’s grill at some point, and maybe pounce on a loose ball or two. Expect to see Plaxico Burress complain a lot and yell a lot more when he scores a touchdown. 38-29 Giants.

Rest of the Wild Card Weekend Predictions
This week’s “we’re not lucky, we won” speech from KC Chiefs coach Herm Edwards rivals his “you play to win the game” speech while with the Jets for its simplicity and ability to say nothing while really saying nothing. Nonetheless, KC has to be feeling that there are red horseshoes and red rabbits’ feets dancing in the air right now. Meanwhile the Indianapolis Clots have seen their team mojo coagulate at the end of the season. Two teams headed in opposite emotional directions, and one quarterback that will appear in more than half of the commercials. However on the field, Peyton’s ability to tear his way out of a giant stretchy football while getting pelted with showers of Gatorade Rain will depend largely on his defense’s ability to corral Chiefs running back Larry Johnson. Look for Johnson to get three touchdowns, and Peyton to get four. Add to that a few field goals, a Joseph Addai breakaway run, and a high pitched teenage barista getting his face burned by the espresso maker like 25 times before this shooting match is over. 41-27 Colts.

Mangenius and the Jets against his mentor Bill “the sweatshirt” Belichick…will the pupil teach the teacher again? More importantly will there be another snub at the handshake? Anyone who has been to a crowded bar in Boston can at least partially understand how impossible it must be to think clearly surrounded by screaming inebriated Pats fans. Look for these Jets to get re-routed with four turnovers and a Chad Pennington arm injury when he tries to throw an impossible pass while being sacked. Tom Brady will have an impeccable quarterback rating and his biggest play will be something modest, a 12 yard scamper, a shovel pass, a great screen. Rookie Laurence Maroney will run free and score twice and Chris Berman is guaranteed to sing “Bony Marony” while giving the highlights. 23-3 Patriots.

In a battle between the crestfallen and the downtrodden, untested Tony Romo faces the formerly effective, decisively non-winning Super Bowl participant, Matt Hasselbeck. Dallas-Seattle will be characterized by another big couple of dropped TO passes and accompanying media frothiness, as well as enough interceptions to have the cardiologists of both overweight coaches nervous. But in the end the Seattle fans will end up as misty as the weather yet again. With Parcells, Cowboys are likely to have a few bullets left in their wild west holsters when this nail biter winds down. 20-19 Cowboys.