Pats Protected By Glowing Light

After the Patriots stunning performance against the Chargers, I am changing the name of this column to “Hang Around Sports” for just one week, as the Pats proved that being outplayed by a more talented team is no reason to go losing a football game all of a sudden.

I must admit how colossally wrong I was. Xs and Os are more important than the Belichick/Brady mystique and playoff record? What on earth was I thinking? Of course the Brady/Belichick factor is more important. Of course the Pats were not struck by lightning as I had predicted (perhaps due to the fact that the original New England Patriot, the loveable tri-cornered hat wearing Ben Franklin, actually invented the lightning rod). Of course the Pats amazing run would roll on in the time after Deion Branch and into the year 2007. Jabar Gaffney? Doesn’t matter. Brady, smirking in the postgame press conference, relishing the fact that he could somehow still be an underdog in the Fantasy Football obsessed perception of America, even though he always wins.

The Pats were surrounded by a glowing light all game; realizing this made me want to recant my prediction halfway through the first quarter. When they lost the ball they magically got it back. Brady has the ball come flying out and get tracked by an invisible force field into the arms of Matt Light (one of his Visa 5 layers of protection). SD gets the big interception by McCree with an 8 point lead and Troy Brown is able to stop time, calmly walk over and poke out the ball, and then allow the game, and their drive, to resume. I've seen stuff like that happen on "Heroes", but never before in football. Drives extended by headbutting penalties due to imps buzzing in Chargers' heads. Calling it "Brady/Belichick magic at work" is just man's attempt to explain the shielding light that seems to protect the Pats.

Martyball may not have been responsible for these turnover mishaps, but in the category of things you CAN control, the blame lies squarely on Martyball for the worst, most horrible call of the game. Talking about 2nd and 5, tie game, late fourth quarter. Ya gotta hand the ball to LaDanian, yes, again, just like you did on first down. Marty was unwilling to fully embrace the use of his deadliest and most dependable weapon. He put the ball in the hands of the rookie QB and allowed himself to get beaten on poorly thrown Rivers incompletions, and punted the ball away to Brady and Co. with the perfect 3:30 left, practically leaving milk and cookies in the endzone for them. I contend LaDanian could get you close enough on second down that you wouldn’t be stuck throwing again on third. It’s the playoffs, you go back to the well again and again if you have to.

La Danian lost his cool at midfield after the game – nice job defending the disturbing “dance” of your steroid abusing teammate. Shawne Merriman’s Roid Rhumba is a repeated, annoying taunt in the face of his opponents. It would seem to be the most basic rule of taunting that after you’ve done it ad naseum you can expect to have it done in your face when you lose. LaDanian’s call of “disrespectful” for this case of taunting back the taunter is way off, the only thing disrespectful is the final score being disrespectful to the San Diego fans. Take some responsibility for that instead of playing your sour grapes cards on the Pats organization.

Since I obviously have clouded judgment with my picks, and since I witnessed the Pats surrounded by the glowing light, I have to reverse what my picks would ordinarily be looking at the “Xs and Os”. Its apparent to me that the Pats will win the Super Bowl, beating the Bears in an 85 revenge bloodmatch.

Grind It Out Sports play of the weekend, however, comes courtesy of the Saints Deuce McAllister, when he plowed the pile forward for a TD, his body twisted in a J-shape and his helmet removed by the shifting continents, keying a courageous victory against a game Philly squad.