Tuna Tartare

Big Tuna Parcells was in rare form against the Giants Sunday, as his Cowpokes turned in a sushi-grade performance, lightly searing New York and seizing control of the NFC East. It was another bitter loss for Big Blue, who fittingly took the field in the wrong (red) colored uniforms. It also turned into a chance to get misty-eyed about the Giants glory days of yore under the Tuna Administration of the 80s, as one chess move after another by Parcells reminded Giants fans of bygone Sundays when the “Chunk White” master of strategy and attitude used to patrol OUR side of the Meadowlands.

It’s amazing how much football has happened since Parcells returned to coaching after his first retirement “for health reasons,” right after winning his second Super Bowl for the Giants in 1990. We’ve seen Drew Bledsoe get the Pats to the Super Bowl in their US Postal Service soccer uniforms, Keyshawn Johnson get drafted and dissed, Terry Glenn get called a woman. Amazingly, years have passed and these three guys are old school NFL vets, and now we’ve seen Bledsoe get dissed (benched in favor of Romo), Johnson get dissed again (ditched in favor of T.O.) and Glenn trading in his panties for a Dallas blue star design protective cup. Parcells isn’t just a bridge to football’s past, but the fact that he has been a consistently dominant coaching force in the NFL, as it has evolved through multiple eras, really reminds one how his unique personality was at the heart of the Giants’ two championships.

The emergence of Romo bears the stamp of Parcells, more impressively the gradual muting of the T.O. circus showed a Tuna that was not afraid to wade into the shark infested media waters. Only referring to Terrell as “The Player” was humorous and the media chuckles set the reporters a couple of steps back, reminding everyone that the Tuna really is serious, yes, it’s the team first, even above this obsequious popinjay. Cutting Vanderjagt – wow, that one was really out there. Dump the cash, forget we ever made a big deal about this guy and move on! That’s the beauty of Parcells, he’ll admit something isn’t working rather than proudly going down with the sinking ship.

So after the shocking dismissal of the “most accurate kicker in NFL history” he yanks this quirky Gramatica guy off the golf course who hasn’t kicked a field goal in two years, and THAT’S the guy who boots the totally clutch 46-yard game winner. Of course. Supposedly Parcells, who notoriously hates kickers, said he chose Gramatica because he “liked” him in the interview. Tuna just has a feel for football that you can’t explain, and ultimately the “most accurate” kicking weapon proved to be Parcells’ mind.

The Tuna had his team hustling and working hard. The goal line D was huge, keeping the Giants hand out of the red zone cookie jar like a mean, hand-slapping Mom. Romo’s scramble and 42-yard dagger to tight end Jason Witten was a gorgeous yet potentially risky play, and reflected the confidence by the coach who has seen it all in the young QB whom he knows has the ability to step into an unknown realm. After the teams fought just about to a draw, Tuna was left holding the last card, and it was an ace. (In a game in which an ace would result in a win, of course, or just a metaphorical ace).

New York at least had a bounce back performance from Eli Manning and remained competitive to the final whistle. Yet in a close game such as this, seemingly small mistakes are magnified. I was agog at the sloppy turnover by the Giants’ Mathias Kiwanucka while attempting to unnecessarily change hands on an interception return. Don’t these guys read my blog? Apparently not. That was a key turnover, just the first quarter, but a very rare golden opportunity that was given back. Here’s a word of advice – fall down, dude. You fall with the ball after catching it Sunday and you fall with Vince Young in your grasp last week and we could be discussing two wins.

Did I also see the dreadlocked braids of RW McQuarters suddenly stop flapping as he inexplicably held up while closing in on a chance to sack Romo? Did Gebril Wilson envision a sweet pick-6 and miss defending the play? Did the petulant Plaxico Burress spaz out and give back 15 yards so he could have another tantrum? Yes, these things happened, the Giants, desperate for a win, did not show the mental toughness to take this heavyweight bout that was fated to go the distance.

Coach Coughlin was certainly fuming throughout, but his sideline fits are becoming increasingly tiresome. Both Coughlin and Tuna are the “Angry Guy” style of coach, but Tuna is listened to, laughed at, respected and loved by his players in a way that Coughlin is not. Both coaches will tell you that no one ever does anything right. But somehow Parcells will tell it to you in a way that makes you want to fight for him, and want to tell him you love him by spontaneously dumping a bucket of cold Gatorade on his head. Sunday’s latest heartwarming display of Tuna Loyalty underscored the weakness of Coughlin, whose endless anger doesn’t inspire his team at all.